Penname: siren [Contact]
Real Name:
Member Since: December 20, 2011
Membership Status: Member
Bio:
[Report This]
Reviews by siren

Summary:
Photobucket

A butterfly flaps its wings and a tornado occurs on the opposite side of the world. One difference causes a ripple effect, changing everything. What difference can a small change make? What if Inuyasha didn't arrive at Kikyou's village for several weeks? What difference would a little bit of time make? What if he arrived in time to save Kaede from the demons but was mistakenly blamed by Kikyou? What if he never heard of the Shikon no Tama, never had any type of relationship with Kikyou? How would this affect his meeting with Kagome?
Categories: Legends

Past Featured Story
Characters: InuYasha, Kagome
Genres: Action-Adventure, Divergence, Romance
Warnings: Language, Mild Sexual Situations, Molestation
Chapters: 31 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 127983 Read Count: 7047

[Report This] Published: January 16, 2010 Updated: October 12, 2010


Reviewer: siren Signedstarhalf-star
Date: December 20, 2011
Chapter number: 3
Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 2

Repetitive, bland, sappy, and your characters narrate what's going on and talk to themselves outloud a lot. Kagome used to be cool and collected in the face of supernatural danger, but in your story, she can't stop screaming and crying. Inuyasha is immediately bewitched by her beauty and her scent, making Kagome a Mary-Sue. Points for almost staying true to canon.

Author's Response:

Thank you for your comments. I appreciate it when I get an honest response about what I need to fix. Eventually, once this story is completed I will go back and edit it. One thing I noticed on reflection that you and others have pointed out is that I have Kagome cry too easily. When I first began to write this story I figured it could be explained by how in this version she really is trapped in the past without a way home but on further reflection I don't think she would act that way. As for Inuyasha being immediately attracted to her, I can see how I didn't really put the explanation I wanted in, at least in a way that is easy for reader's to understand. That is something else I will eventually have to fix.

 Again, thank you for your comments.