Reviewer: Devaigh Signed
May 10, 2012
Chapter 64: Brighter than the Sun (Epilogue)
I waited as weel to write my review as I felt like I wouldn't do you justice. First off, I'll say that your story had me enchanted for a lot of it, I loved your ideas and your overall concept of the story. However I think there were a few issues. This might be just me and my opinion, but please don't think I'm trying to be mean.
I loved your concept of the Hanyou Kagome. However I think this storycould have benefited from being a full trilogy piece than one long tale. I admire your style and your drive to write such an epic but during a large portion of the story I fet like I was reading multiple stories. Personally I think that you could have divided the story in thirds and I would have completly believed it.
After the death of the first two "Main foes" (I seem to have fogotten the names) the story makes a huge shift. Then there's the final battle with Naraku which can be set with the first part.
It might be just me, but the first 20 or so chapters just don't relate fully (in my opinion) to the last half of the story. SO much happens that lik eI said, if this had been a series I think it could have worked. I know there are several places that you said you skimped on details, and that might have helped.
I'm sorry if that didn't make sense, lol but I did enjoy your work. I have read a lot of your stuff.This took me a few days to read, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for allowing me to enjoy the ride. Author's Response:
No offense taken at all; I don’t mind constructive criticism.
Your suggestion does make a lot of sense. Any time you talk about having such a long story, whether in written or film form, there’s something to be said for breaking it up into parts. That said, just breaking it up would not have been enough. When you do that, you have to craft the story so there are smaller mini-tales. These also must have buildup, a climax, and a conclusion. Perhaps less grand than the overall story arc, but nevertheless present. I’m thinking of the Lord of the Rings trilogy as an example.
So I would’ve had to write it differently from the very beginning, I think. You’re also right that the first 20 or so chapters don’t relate to the second half of the story. They weren’t supposed to. Something happens when two people take the next step and enter into a relationship. They go from just being friends and fighting Naraku to being lovers/mates/spouses and trying to plan the rest of their lives. So I do see your point; maybe the line between the two segments of the story could have been made clearer.
I think it was easier on the readers who were with me as I was writing the story. For those who read it all in a couple sittings, the transitions must feel kind of quick at times.
So I know it’s not perfect, but I’m comfortable with how it is now. I’m glad you enjoyed the story despite the flaws.