Penname: skyclaw441 [Contact]
Real Name:
Member Since: August 07, 2011
Membership Status: Member
Bio: Hey guys, what's up. I love I/K, and I primarily made this profile to read a friend's fics, but I might put a oneshot up here every once in a while, depending on how much energy I have and how busy I am outside of the fic world.
Gender: male
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Reviews by skyclaw441
Caged Romance by ScarletWolf Rated: Risque starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 24]

Summary:

Photobucket

Kagome stumbles upon a pound after a nasty breakup. She meets a hot yet angry guy working at the clinic. Enjoying the love and devotion from the dogs she decides to get a part time job there. While working she meets a lot of new people that bring life back into her life and soon she grows attached to the clinic as well as the grouchy clinic boy. But trouble comes when someone wishes to tear down the pound! What will they do to save their beloved clinic? Will they succeed?
Categories: Fairy Tales

Past Featured Story
Characters: Ayame, Hojo, Inu no Tashio, InuYasha, Izayoi, Jii-chan, Kaede, Kagome, Kagura, Kanna, Kikyou, Kouga, Miroku, Mrs Higurashi, Naraku, Onigumo, Rin, Sango, Sesshomaru, Shippou, Souta
Genres: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Friendship, Romance, School Life
Warnings: None
Chapters: 7 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 17777 Read Count: 1059

[Report This] Published: August 10, 2011 Updated: August 28, 2011


Reviewer: skyclaw441 Signedstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: August 15, 2011
Chapter number: 1
Title: Chapter 1: Just Chance

Hey, you're getting better and better at this! Your writing is 3x better in this one than in "Innocent Yet Promising." If you keep improving at this rate, then very soon you'll be writing the fics that I wish people would write. Anyway, I do have to get you on a couple of technicalities, and I think I'll be a bit harsher this time.

-There aren't any "community colleges" in Japan per se, but rather there are tiers of prestigiousness as far as universities go. Most wouldn't notice, but it seemed out of place for me to have a "community college" in Japan. Rather, perhaps a local university would be a better way to phrase it.

-I know you in person, so this one would be highly difficult for others to pin down, but sometimes you let yourself shine through a bit too much. Try and keep it a little more in canon. Granted, my fics weren't perfect either, but try and mask that a bit. However, Kagome seems like an Avril person, so no worries there. ;)

-Keep it to one tense. Sometimes you switch very quickly between the present and past tense. I myself prefer the past tense.

-Work a bit on conjunctions and general grouping words, like "spoke words but no one could understand but the little girl herself," where the first "but" should be "that."

-If I were writing this, I'd make the description of the "hot yet angry man" a bit deeper than "hot yet angry." We all know that he's hot or are under the assumption that he is, so c'mon. ;)

Despite this, I'm still giving you 7/10 on the first chapter. Excellent job, keep it up!

Author's Response: For starters, I already text you about this. But for anyone who\'s reading this... It isn\'t necessary set in Japan. It is up to the reader to decide. Plus is is alt. uni. so I tweaked the characters personalities to match there circumstances of 2011. The only thing Kagome and I have in common is my sense of humor since I WROTE it lol. Annnnd, I want to keep it as \'but\' instead of \'that\'. It is what I prefer. Hot and angry just describe Inuyasha. enough said ;-) I will work on my tense though. I\'ve always been bad at certain things such at that. I just want to write a story that people will enjoy :-)

Author's Response: For starters, I already text you about this. But for anyone who\'s reading this... It isn\'t necessary set in Japan. It is up to the reader to decide. Plus is is alt. uni. so I tweaked the characters personalities to match there circumstances of 2011. The only thing Kagome and I have in common is my sense of humor since I WROTE it lol. Annnnd, I want to keep it as \'but\' instead of \'that\'. It is what I prefer. Hot and angry just describe Inuyasha. enough said ;-) I will work on my tense though. I\'ve always been bad at certain things such at that. I just want to write a story that people will enjoy :-)





Reviewer: skyclaw441 Signedstarstarstarstar
Date: August 30, 2011
Chapter number: 3
Title: Chapter 3: Sweet as Lemons

OK, so I just read both Chapters 2 and 3, and I thought I'd just throw in a couple of things that I noticed/thought, mainly in Chapter 3.

-Typo: "SHE didn't except us" should be "SHE didn't accept us"
-The interlude between Sango and Miroku... the hell? Just felt like saying that.
-Sango's reaction to "the event" seemed a bit over the top. I'd expect a sort of facepalm moment, but not tears. In fact, a lot of reactions seem to be a bit over the top, there's a lot of hugging going on here.

All in all, though, this fic's only getting better! I'll have to read the rest tomorrow.





Reviewer: skyclaw441 Signedstarstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: August 30, 2011
Chapter number: 7
Title: Chapter 7: I Missed You

Hey, me again, you know the drill:

Chapter 4:
-"He strong demeanor" should be "his strong demeanor"
-Get InuYasha some anti-depressants or something, the dude's bipolar. o_0
-"I believe he is drawn to her to.” should have "too" at the end.
-Again, the emotions, imo, a bit over the top, but that's just me.

Chapter 5:

-Describing ears as "furry appendages" could easily be taken very wrong by some readers.
-"took noticed" should be "took notice," but this could be a typo. I'm gonna stop correcting most of these, that'd be entirely too nitpicky.

Chapter 6:

-"Brake down his walls" should be "break"
-Kikyou... oh shit.

I was far too enthralled with Ch. 7 to notice anything to nitpick... that's saying something. This fic really got me with those twists. I know that I come off like a dick when I do these reviews, so forgive me on that. All in all, this is a very good story, extremely cute, very suspensful, and I enjoy it each time I get into it. I actually want to know what's going to happen next... this is fantastic work. I can't write much after getting lured in to the story, so I'll leave it at that.

Author's Response: Please quit commenting.