Reviews For The Poem
You must login (register) to review.


Reviewer: Terrygurl Signed [Report This]
Date: May 10, 2008 8:28 pm
Chapter number: 1
Title: Chapter 1

 Oh, please endow me with your most awsome tortureing ways!!! I prefer flamethrower, or  choking to death by Gaara of the Sand from Naruto.





Reviewer: Inu Hanyou Nikkie Signed [Report This]
Date: April 29, 2008 4:45 pm
Chapter number: 1
Title: Chapter 1

I am sorry to say... I have no idea what it is you were trying to do in this story... it was.. all over the place... and squashed together with the only indication of breaks those lines you added.

There was no dialogue.. example: "InuYasha, may I ask you a question?" Kagome whispered.

There was a lack of building up of descriptions or of characters or of the plot.

There is always incorrect spelling used. Like 'their at it again' - should be 'They ARE' or 'They'RE' at it again. You also completely missed adding punctuation in too many places.

I agree with Vikki... you have much potential and getting a Beta would really benefit you and your story.

What I try to do with my writings is reading it outloud. It'll help. Also putting the story down for an hour or so and go back to it later to re-read what was written.

Plus I would remove those Authors Notes that you inserted into the story.. I am sorry to say but it makes you look rather.... immature... I wish I knew a better way to put this into words.

I'm sorry I just don't like seeing a talented writer not showing off their potential fully.

There is alot of help on the internet available to you for aiding in your writings like online dictionaries, thesaurus,.. plus there are many writers who wouldn't mind offering up advice if you ask them. Like on Eternal Destiny's Forum page... there is a room for getting help and Betas.

I would like to see this re-done/re-vamped.





Reviewer: vikikibouki Signed [Report This]
Date: April 29, 2008 2:17 pm
Chapter number: 1
Title: Chapter 1

Uhhh...

Well, I don't wanna flame, because that's just not my style. But I can't just let this go unmentionned, either. 

This story needs a bit of work. Actually, a LOT of work. You really should think about asking someone to 'Beta' it for you.

I kind of had a hard time reading it, and even a harder time understanding the points that you wanted to bring out.

Sorry about this, but it really does need to be re-vamped.



You must login (register) to review.