Date: September 01, 2010 11:24 pm
Chapter number: 1
Title: Chapter 1
Very good story, just make sure that you edit more, you had a spot in the second half where Kags was "raping" her arms around Yash instead of wrapping them around him, the two words obviously have very different meanings. Great content in this piece though. I suggest that after writing a chapter leave it alone and do something completely different foe at least an hour before coming back to it. You will have a fresh mind and notice more mistakes, or find a beta to edit for you, they can really help.