Date: April 30, 2009 12:25 am
Chapter number: 2
Title: Comforting Embrace Part II
How did Kagome get dressed if Inuyasha sliced her shirt off in chapter 1? Your characterization of Mrs. H was the highlight of this chapter for me.
Author's Response: Hah, once again you caught me. Just another reason for me to some day go back and edit. I rather liked the way I portrayed Mrs. H, so thank you on that.
Date: April 30, 2009 12:02 am
Chapter number: 1
Title: Comforting Embrace Part I
This first chapter was very good. I enjoy good writing, and this certainly qualified. That said, I do have a couple points of contention, so I hope you won't be offended. The first is where you said that Inuyasha doesn't love Kikyou anymore. That's fine, but you made it seem like the only reason for that is because she smells and her body is cold. In my view, it goes a lot deeper than that. Are you a Kikyou-hater, by any chance? Because that's exactly the kind of dismissive passage I'd expect from someone who doesn't like Kikyou and doesn't try to understand her.
The lemon was well done too, but Inuyasha...well, I wonder when he got to be such a good lover. Was he always this confident? I'd imagine he would be much less sure of himself in his first time, so the smirking and slicing off her clothes didn't really sit well with me. Maybe these could happen in later lemons, but not right away. Again, don't be discouraged by these comments; they are meant as constructive criticism. If I didn't like the story, I wouldn't bother leaving them at all.
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. And no, I'm not offended at all. I like it when I get feedback like yours because it makes me a better writer and tells me what I might need to work on a bit more. And anyway, the first two chapters I wrote in...about five years ago, I think, when I first started writing and in high school. I'd like to think my writing has improved since then, but I'm not one to gloat. Anyway, thanks again for you critisism; I'll keep it in mind and hey, maybe some day I'll go back and edit the whole thing. Oh, and about the Kikyou-thing; I am not a Kikyou hater, and you're right, it does sound like I made him sound like he fell out of love just by those aspencts alone. Something else I'll work on at a later time, perhaps. This was one of the very first things I wrote; I think the second, actually. Thanks again! (How many times have I said that now?)